Thank you for your loyal readership in 2012. As it is the holiday season, CherylWhitten.com will observe a hiatus until the new year. Happy Holidays, Merry Christmas, Happy New Year! May your life be filled with happiness and love.
Have you written yours yet? Apparently, Santa doesn't like mine.
There's only a few things few things I'd like this year. I've been a really good girl.
-to win the lottery
-finish my school right away
-no bad behaviour from my kids
-no health problems
Actually, scratch that. I'd just like a perfect life, please.
Cheryl, My Dear, Dear, Mixed-Up Child
I'm not God. I don't perform miracles. Try prayer instead.
Actually, scratch that. He likely won't give you those things, anyway. Try re-evaluating your life.
Santa, My Now Un-Favourite Fake Hero,
Try eating less.
Ok, so whoever invented the Easter bunny who hands out chocolate to children in copious amounts clearly does not have children! Have you ever seen a child with a sugar high? I mean, wow. It's just something else. I really don't think there's a drug out there that can do the same thing for half the price. (Wait a minute. I see a marketing opportunity here...)
Picture this: Three kids with chocolate-smeared faces shucking candy wrappers to the floor like matches on fire while jumping on beds, doing "tricks" (which really means throwing themselves against the wall like a bird flying into a window), and singing loudly. Much too loudly. Clothes do not get taken off or put on for bath time, bums are bouncing on chairs while "listening" to a story, and a faint humming can be heard throughout the house. The humming is me trying not to screech at earsplitting levels for everyone to shut up.
It might also have something to do with diabetic shock.
Really, though, who invents such things? I'm sure it was an old, shaky granny who said to herself in a wobbly voice, "Boy, those children really need another fairytale character to believe in that will break their hearts when they find out it's not real. And that character will be a bunny who hands out chocolate eggs, and it will be called...The Easter Bunny!" Obviously, it was a granny.
While we're on the subject, why is it a bunny and not a chicken? Shouldn't bunnies hand out, carrots? Or terds? Think about it. Bunnies don't run around leaving eggs behind. They leave little brown treasures. Wait, is that where the chocolate connection comes from? (If I just ruined chocolate Easter eggs for you, you're welcome. Check the calorie count, friend!)
Someone thought up this genius idea (and genius it is! Hello, candy!) to have holidays where candy is the only gift given, and he or she clearly was not a parent. Or if he was, he wasn't very smart. (Or maybe he was!) Then again, why do we, as parents, continue these holidays? Right. Memories, bonding, family traditions. Seriously? My kids are fighting over whose chocolate is whose and who gets more five seconds after they find it. And tomorrow I'm going to be fighting with my 3 year old about whose chocolate it really is. And then I'm going to gain that 5 pounds I actually haven't lost yet.
Clearly, we're not that smart either.
And clearly, the invention of the Easter bunny was both supremely dumb, and utterly Einstein-ian.
(And clearly, this post is totally random!)
**To be fair, my kids were actually really good this year, although the chocolate high really did happen. And my daughter went to bed with a sore stomach. I'm not sure how the rest of the week will fare though.**